While I did not believe God, I hadnft a doubt in the world that I was a strong human as gI can live alone. I can do everything with my effort.h When I was deep in things, it was completely absorbed in the things soon. I live my life to rely on my youth on study and work.
@I start to study machinery from high school. The subject is suited to me. My result was always on the top of the class. I join the technical Olympic at the technical school. People used to tell me gyou are excellent student. You, Mr. Goto, can work well in any company.h I was also filled with my confidence, too.
But looking back now, I thought that I make my life unreasonable life to physical from the time
At the company after I graduate technical school, I was entrusted with difficult work just in the first year I enter the company because of my good memory, even I did mistake once in a while.
I kept working even I was in poor health from getting cold. And overtime work cross to midnight everyday. I didnft take holiday. I spend my life for working! and working! It made my weight lost, and my smile faded away.
Health abnormal from stress and tiredness
Then, it was almost a time to be the third year after I enter the company. During the working, suddenly, from my neck to back became hot and run an acute pain. My hand was seized with a cramp. At the day, I left company, then went to hospital soon. I had my X-Rayed, but the result was no abnormal disease. The doctor said gLetfs wait a little longer and see the situation with medicine.h But the pain kept staying in me, even I had medicine. After that, any test of MRI and blood, all result was no disease. But I start to felt the stress on the pain of unknown origin, I couldnft concentrate on my work at all, then my absence increased more and more.
The pain increased more and more, and the sleepless day appeared. My emotional stable was getting increased. I made up my mind to be seen a mental doctor.
The result of diagnosis was gThis is normal depressed state..h from the doctor.
Inside of my head become completely blank. I couldnft stop crying in the way home back in the car. I didnft doubt myself strong, always keep going forward. I am not related on mental ill. But I became a depressed state... As a matter of course, I couldnft receive the ill, and my eyes began to water.
Further aggravation of ill and increasing of absence cause resignationc
I have absence for two weeks after I have diagnosed as depressed. But my physical situation is not going to better. So I decide to be absent more three months. Moreover, I felt that I just donft get along with the mental physical in charge of me, and even I want to change the hospital. The quantity of medicine is increasing more and more, and sleepless day continue for two to three days sometimes. Then, much bigger feeling upside down continued. The situation was going worse. I rely on to alcohol to conceal my mental pain everyday. Then, I repeat rejecting eat and overeat. My weight was 65kg before. It has lost 58 kg because of rejecting eat, or increase 86kg because of overeat. This grew considerably my physical and mental situations weaker. I felt limit of my living myself, and grew suicide hope, and sometimes I felt that gI want to diec.h
For a company, it is repeat of sick leave and reappointment. Finally, president pressed me resignation after a year that I became ill. As a matter of course, I couldnft refuse resignation. I took procedure for that just at the time.
Guidance to church!
I lost job, then depressed state and sleeplessness went on getting worse. It continues to stay at home. I lose living mind, and suicide desire became bigger and bigger. My parents are very worried very much, and lead me to shrine for purified. Still my condition didnft get better, I always face below everyday and my feeling fell into deeper. Irritated feeling day also continued maybe because of medicine.
In those days continue, I remember the word from paster S. he was my teacher at high school.
gJesus saves all those who believes him.h
I spent my life without religious. But somehow, I felt to try to believe the God in the time.
Immediately, I went to my old school next day and listen to Pastor S.fs address in Tokyo now, then I was prayed through the phone. I live myself by my power by now. But I could feel I am not lonely through praying God from my heart on first time. Tears welled up from the feeling I had never felt. At the time, Pastor S. encouraged me to go to church. Formerly, I was repulsed to listen about church. But I felt that only the God can save this my mental situation in that time. I join the next Sunday main service. Then, I confess to believe Jesus Christ as my savior at the service, and be saved.
In the thanks prayer, the medicine volume is decreased.
The first times to go to church, I didnft know how to pray. But I follow the word of Bible, 1st Thessalonians, Chapter 5 verse 18, ggive thanks to all circumstancesh. I decide to pray thanks for all problems and difficulties I had repeated by disease and no regular employment. In those days, I took about 20 pills a day for such as antidepressant and tranquilizer, and sleeping pill. I didnft depend on those medicines, but I felt distrust a physician in charge of me from such a too much medicine volume. I change my hospital with almost the same time I start to go to church.
At the new hospital, a doctor tells me that gYou took too much medicine. Letfs reduce the volume.h For only three months, the volume of medicine is reduced to half.
The volume of medicine is reduced and I was healed little by little. My body became the situation to be able to work as part-time job.
Insomnia (sleeplessness disease) was healed.
After a year I start to go to church, the volume of medicine became about one fourth. Then I feel my body light, and smile back from expressionless face. But the sleepless day is still continued, and I depend on strong insomnia.
In those days, I was invited to special service. I could join it because my part-time job was no working day.
At the special service, a lecture, pastor P., said that gHere is sleepless person. The person is healed.h At the time, I felt gsurely, I am not.h I didnft especially care about it. So, I drink medicine at the night and sleep after the day.
But after a few days, I became very strong sleepy that I havenft felt before. When I ask a doctor, a doctor said to me, gCan you sleep with only stable pill, without sleeping pill?h Then, I stop taking sleeping pill from the day, and I start to take only stable pill to sleep. The surprising was very good sleeping kept on only stable pill ! I could understand g I was healed from insomnia at the special meeting.h Hallelujah ! And I believed God is healed.
I could find job.
I was healed from insomnia, think to entrust himself to God moreover. In the part-time job, it happened impossible day to join Sunday service, I decided to find manufacturing industry which has no job on Sunday. But it took long time to be employed in a job shortage. I asked to Pastor W, he told me gCould it better to pray concretely?h I felt God saved me from so much medicine, and God certainly manage somehow better.
When it is decided oral examination for next company, I decide to be prayed Pastor W before the examination. The examination had almost two hours. But all questions were easy to answer, and finished on very good feeling. Finally, I got notification of employment ! I noticed no faith not to pray by now, and gave thanksgiving to God blessing.
Be saved from earthquake and be freed from medicine completely
I acclimated to the new job environment soon, and gave thanksgiving to God everyday. It become to possible to join every Sunday service, then it passed four months. The east Japan big earthquake happened. Everyone were just frightened at the earth shaking no one never experienced. But I felt just the ordeal time has come, then keep praying with frightening the earthquake. In the middle of way to home, I got caught in a traffic jam. But I could go back not be caught in traffic jam. I could secure gas in the day. Those are the days just to give thanksgiving to God.
But Fukushima first nuclear power plant blew up, and I was tired both of mental and physical through stress from fear from nuclear power. In the time, I had a little antidepressant medicine that I had in home. I felt worried, then go to hospital to take medicine. I told my physical situation at the consultation, I was told gTo stop the medicine from this situation is only a matter of time?h At the day, medicine was prescribed, but I decide in myself eI entrust myself to God not to rely on medicine anymore.f Then I decided to stop an antidepressant medicine a day perfectly.
Then the manufacturing industry became very busy maybe because of the influence from earthquake. Overtime work is continued everyday, and I start to work at night shift. But my physical condition is very good in spite of not drinking medicine. Moreover, I could rather stand up for overtime work and night shift. My physical strength is increased before, even my inner reserves.
Two years past since I believe God and go to church, depression is healed and get job, and be saved from east japan big earthquake. I feel that my life from income through part-time job was severe at the time of earthquake. I was given a job as full-fledged employee, and be saved my finances,
Looking back now, I believe that all things were Godfs plan. God teach me my weakness through illness, and lead to church. And I give thanksgiving to God from my heart to be able to tell my testimony here, and give back to this glory to God, Jesus Christ.
iYoshio Goto, Fukushima city, Fukushima prefecturej