By Faith, not by what can be seen

Satoko Duncan

-I have to survive with my sick daughter in a foreign country. Such despair! Although I was worried and had plenty of negative thoughts, I prayed to the lord and gave thanks to Him. Now my daughter is improving at an amazing speed.

God turns everything good

Since I moved to San Diego, California, U.S.A, in April 2000, one Bible verse has been continually supporting me. That is the very well known Bible verse,' we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.' Romans 8:28

At the beginning I wondered if this scripture was true or not, but I have experienced the words, and now it has almost become my firm belief by my personal experience. These words of God are true as the scripture says 'and we know', not 'and we think', 'and it seems like', or 'and people say'.

He turns everything, even the worst incident that might and had happened which we want to erase from our memory, into good.

My daughter's condition

I had divorced with my husband in the U.S.A, which was a very bitter experience for me. In the state of California, one of the parties can sue the other without getting agreement of divorce of the party in order to successfully divorce. My husband asked me to divorce with him many times. He even shouted at me in the doctor's consultancy room when my pregnancy was announced. However, I gave thanks to God for everything. After the divorce, I was anointed as a pastor in the place God had promised me. I am now serving at the place that the Lord led me as the first fruits of His harvest in my family.

My daughter, Jeshurun's condition came next. Although she was born a normal healthy baby, she started to show slow development in speech and abnormalities like avoiding eye contact, frequent movement, a sudden anger and other symptoms after her 2 years old birthday passed. She was so hyper-active that I could not keep up her energy. I had to sleep whenever she slept. She was just a hyper-active tomboy when she was a toddler. However, I finally noticed her symptoms when I compared her with other children in the kindergarten. Then she was diagnosed with Down syndrome. There is a possibility that she also has ADHD. Doctors and the therapists told me that the modern technology could only improve the symptom of Down syndrome and not completely cure it. So they advised me to give her proper care for life.

Thank you God that what can be seen is despair

One day, I was very tired and on the way to my workplace by car. It was a very busy day because I applied for Jeshurun to move to a special education class, had a meeting with her baby sitter to discuss the changed schedule, and made an appointment for her to attend the program that was held in a school for disabled. My mind was filled with all these and I could rest only in the car. In the car, I tried to change my mind to the working mode, because I tended to make mistakes those days when I was thinking about Jeshurun. When I was shaking my head and telling myself, "Change Your Thoughts! Forget about her for a while!", tears suddenly ran down my face. And all the negative thoughts and uncertain feelings filled my mind. I might be exaggerating, but I thought that I was in despair, when two of us had to survive in a foreign country and Jeshurun is sick with this condition.

 

I got back to myself. I prayed and gave thanks to the Lord. I prayed, 'O God, I thank you that Jeshurun is sick with a strange disease. I thank you that this testing was allowed to me in this place where I don't know anybody. I thank you that what I can see is despair. I am now totally exhausted. Give me your consolation. Show me your signs in heaven!'

 

I reached my workplace early. Probably due to the usual Friday traffic jam, no colleagues were there yet. I started to prepare opening the shop by myself and I prayed because I was alone. 'Sorry Satoko!', one of my colleague appeared in a hurry. She said, 'Hey, there are two big rainbows out there! Go and see!" When I went out, there were two big rainbows that covered the whole sky. Then the Lord spoke to me, 'the witness in the clouds is the true one'.

The best care the Lord has prepared

Now, Jeshurun is progressing at an amazing speed. It is exactly like she is jumping out of the realm of Down syndrome, as was prophesied. I confirmed in my prayer that God was leading me to stay in U.S.A. after divorce, which was the key to my luck. There is less discrimination for disabled children in U.S.A. compared to Japan. Also, the care that American citizens are entitled for is the best quality and almost free of charge.

 

I was shown from God to move to San Diego city from the outskirt where I used to live. In my mind, I was given two names of place, which are Del Mar and Carmel Mountain. Both places are considered as high-class residential area. I prayed to God, 'Lord, I don't know what is going to happen. I will move to that place because you say so, but if I could not continue to survive there, you should take responsibility of my life!' I just obeyed. However, moving out to this place was the Lord's best plan.

I finally moved to Carmel Mountain, the school ward where it just so happened had been given the largest budget for the special needs classes for the children with Down syndrome from the state. Jeshurun receives the best care free of charge. Teachers that she met there understood her very well. The nursery school teacher found her interest in singing and specially added music therapy into her curriculum. When Jeshurun started to go to kindergarten, parents of other child asked me, 'Can you tell us how to register for music therapy? We want to try it for my child.' Also, one of my colleagues, who had been studying to be a behaviour therapist, asked me, 'How come you lived in a place, where the best care for Down syndrome children is available before your child was diagnosed with it? You are so lucky!' It was not luck. It was the Lord's hand that prepared everything for me.

He made a road accident good

I was involved in a traffic accident in April last year. A driver with a suspended licence who was not covered by insurance was driving on a slippery road and the car knocked my car when it skidded at the entrance of the high way. Jeshurun and I were soon taken to the emergency hospital by an ambulance.

This accident, which looked like a case of bad luck, was the beginning of another blessing. One of the symptoms of Down syndrome is that they cannot sympathize. For example, if Jeshurun herself falls, she asks for other's help, but if I fall and ask for her help, she doesn't care. It is none of her business. I knocked my whole body, especially my back. When Jeshurun saw me suffering from back pain, she said, 'Mama, are you OK?' She also rubbed my back with her little hand.

At around the same time, I started drug therapy for Jeshurun, because various activities of behaviour therapy could not stop her hyper-action. The teachers of her school suggested the drug therapy, because if Jeshurun can sit for few more minutes, she can learn more and she has ability to learn. It was quite hard to find the best medicine for a young child of 5 years old, but I could take enough time to adjust and find the best medicine, since I could not work because the doctor-stop which was resulted by the accident. However, I could take leave without worry because the car insurance company would compensate for my salary. Also church members helped me in terms with offerings. In this way, the Lord prepared everything for me.

Mama, I am so happy!

When everything seemed to go smoothly, we went through another testing. It was when I returned to work after my health had recovered that Jeshurun had sudden anger, which was the worst in her whole life. All school teachers, baby sitters and therapists asked me. 'What do you think is the cause of this?' So I even thought of quitting my job and being at home by being helped by the government. At that time, we had problems like Jeshurun cried terribly at night at the car park of my apartment and neighbours complained to me, because I worked until late at night and went to fetch her at nursery late at night. Even after I gave thanks to God, Jeshurun's problem continued. I was depressed.

However, I could take my leave finally and Jeshurun and I went to the beach. When she saw the beach, she ran towards the ocean. And she turned to me and said, 'Mama, I am so happy!' I was astonished, because she spoke how she felt. One of the symptoms of dawn syndrome is that words and feelings are not connected. She could not speak out how she felt for 5 years since she was born. So I had to imagine what and how she thought by her limited movements and her facial expressions, as there was no way to find it out. I was happy to see her. I praised the Lord. I shouted, 'Hallellujah!' not caring of what other people thought. Then she followed me, 'Hallellujah!' I told her many times, 'Yes, both you and I are happy'. Then I suddenly realized, 'Yes! That is why it is not what we can see, but by faith! Even how many times I am promised by the Lord, my daughter's situation that I could see led me to despair. That is exactly like the situation of Peter walking on the sea. Peter could walk on the sea when he was focusing at Jesus, but he started to sink when he saw the water.

Use the eyes of faith

Since that time, I always confess through my eyes of faith, not through my eyes of the situation. I confess to God that I thank Him for healing my daughter. Then Jeshurun's condition gets better. Now she has her first two close friends. According to her kindergarten teacher, Jeshurun rushes to help them whenever they are facing difficulty, which I cannot believe.

Our church was given name, 'The Pillars of Praise Church'. I witness the strength and wonderful praise at the place the Lord has chosen for us through Jeshurun.
At the time of Revival in future, I am excited to see his works in Jeshurun who went through sickness.

Hallelujah!

 

(Reprinted from monthly magazine 'Kumo no aida ni aru niji' March 2007 issue)